I Can't Stop Looking at You
by DaysLikeThis96
Summary: Meredith thinks she has it all with Finn, until Derek makes a shocking confessions that makes her rethink her actions. Sometimes distances makes the heart grow founder.


**A/N: Blast from the past! Sorry, I'm really annoyed with Grey's right now, so I just watched season 3 (Best Season) and I came up with this little idea. It starts out as how season 3 is, but it will branch out, I promise. So if the first chapter is a little boring, my apologies, it will get better.**

**Updates every weekend, hopefully. Highschool is unpredictable. **

_**Hidden Feelings**  
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_Meredith ran out of the prom and down the hall. She slipped into an on-call room hoping that Derek wouldn't follow her. He did. The door opened to show the man she had once loved. The man she had never thought she would get over. The man who her world came crashing down when his past had shown up._

"_Meredith." He whispered. She couldn't be near him. He made her life an emotional rollercoaster._

"_No, I don't want to listen anymore." She responded._

"_Meredith." He whispered again stepping closer to her closing the on-call room door._

"_Finn. Finn is… Finn is a great guy. I like Finn, a lot and I need to be with someone I can trust. You chose Addison and I'm choosing Finn."_

"_All I can ever do is just look at you." Derek said softly stepping closer to her. _

"_Stop looking at me. I'm with Finn, you're with Addison."_

"_You think I want to look at you? I have a wife of twelve years, who I feel nothing for anymore. I can't stop looking at you."_

"_Try to." Meredith said before rushing out of the on-call room. Derek just stood there contemplating his next move. It took all of his power to let her run._

**2 Days Later…**

Watching from a distance was the hardest thing Derek ever had to do. He loved Meredith. He loved her with all of his heart. Meredith loved Finn. Finn loved Meredith. Meredith chooses Finn.

So why couldn't Derek just except that and move on? Instead he's dwelling on the past regretting that he ever chose Addison. Addison. He was still trying to work things out with her. They still lived in that small trailer that Derek liked to call home.

Derek had to talk to Meredith. Derek needed to tell her that maybe he was the better guy. But he already knew her answer. He knew that she would just bring up Addison. Back to Addison again. Derek loves Addison he really does, but he feels like he's walking on egg shells around her.

Derek just pushed everything into the back of his mind and focused on getting ready for work. He stepped into the shower and let the water burn his skin. Right now Derek felt numb. He couldn't handle anymore of his pathetic broken life. His mind went back to Addison for the thousandth time that morning. Why couldn't they just be completely happy for once? He shook his head at the thought and hurried along with his shower. He was already late yesterday and couldn't be late again.

He stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He looked over three feet into the kitchen where Addison was eating some sugary cereal that Derek despised. He shook his head in discuss and got changed in their bedroom. He dried his hair with a towel. He then went into the kitchen to eat some breakfast.

"You seem quiet this morning, is everything okay?" Addison asked.

"Yeah, everything is just fine." He replied barely looking up from his dry toast.

Addison rolled her eyes and put the bowl with milk into the sink. Derek always said that everything was just fine and Addison was sick of it. Ever since she went off on him about not being Meredith Grey a few weeks ago he's been acting different around her.

"Do you even love me anymore Derek? I really need to know if your still in love with me." Addison blurted out of the blue.

"Of course I still love you Addie." Derek said looking up at Addison who was still over the sink.

"Well it seems to me that you don't." Addison said washing the bowl.

"Can we please talk about this later?" Derek asked taking another big bite of his toast.

"Fine, it's always later with you." Addison said dropping the bowl on the counter and walking back into their bedroom. The down side of having a trailer was there really was no personal space to cool off after a fight.

"Later Addie, please. We can go out to that Bistro place tonight." Derek said.

"Fine. Derek, I really want us to be Derek and Addison again, those people who fell head over heels in love with each other in Med school, the couple who everyone wanted to be. I miss them Derek, I really do."

"I miss them too." Derek took the last bite of his toast and washed the plate. At that momnetn Derek knew to stop dwelling on the past, and just forget about Meredith Grey. Although it was easier said than done, he had to try. He chose Addison and she chose Finn.

Meredith's morning was a little bit more different than Derek's. She woke up at the sound of the alarm.

"I guess it's time to get up." Finn said in a sleepy voice.

"I hate mornings." She sighed

` "Don't we all?" Finn said sitting up.

"Yeah, I guess so." Meredith replied.

"I'll go make you some pancakes." Finn offered.

Meredith nodded happily. Finn left to go into the kitchen and Meredith went into the shower.

Finn was making pancakes in the kitchen when Izzie walked in. She was still depressed that Denny died. She looked like a walking ghost.

"Hey Iz, how are you feeling this morning?" Finn asked turning away from the batter. Izzie's eyes were puffy and red. Her face was pale and slightly swollen. She didn't answer Finn at first. At first he legs started to give out, but Finn was there before she fell. She leaned into Finn as his strong arms wrapped around her. He didn't know Izzie all too well, but he knew from experience that when someone looses someone they love, all they want is for someone to hold them.

"How long did it take you?" Izzie whispered. "To get over your wife?"

"I'm still trying to get over her. But it gets easier. Soon you can go back to doing things that you love, like being a surgeon." Finn replied.

"I'll never be a surgeon. Not after what I did."

"You made a mistake Iz. I'm sure Chief Webber will understand."

"I killed a man. The man I loved with all my heart. I don't think that Chief Webber will understand!" Izzie almost yelled. She pulled away from Finn. "I don't… I mean I don't even understand." She said in a soft low voice. Tear started to well up in her eyes again.

"You know what helps. Taking a nice long warm shower." Finn suggested. With that Izzie was gone.

Finn closed his eyes and rubbed his face. He knew what it was like for Izzie. He remembered that all he wanted to do was curl up in his bed and just wake up from his nightmare. He isolated the world and people he loved for almost six months. Those were the worst six months of his life.

Meredith emerged into the kitchen. "I heard err eavesdropped on you and Iz."

"Oh, yeah that. I know what she's going through and I just wanted to help."

"Thank you. You know Derek wouldn't have done that. He would have probably said 'your fine Izzie now go back to work.'"

"And you're comparing me to Derek again…"

"Oh sorry, no I was just… I don't know. I'm just saying that you're perfect." Meredith smiled.

"Well you are too Meredith."

Finn turned around and continued to cook the pancakes as Meredith thought about what he said. No one had ever called her perfect. Not any boyfriend, teacher, friend or even parent. They all thought that she was screwed up beyond repair. Maybe choosing Finn really was the right idea.

Finn drove Meredith to work today. He claimed that he wanted to carpool to save their environment, but in reality he just wanted to spend more time with her… well and if Derek was there, to show that Meredith chose him.

Normally Finn wasn't the bragging type, but at times he felt that he need to remind Derek that she's with him.

"Thanks for driving me; you really didn't have to do that." Meredith said.

"Anytime, I don't mind." He replied.

Meredith gave him a quick kiss before opening the door of Finn's car… well until she saw Derek. He was glaring at them as he walked by with Addison's hand in his. Addison was talking about something but he didn't seem too interested.

"I swear to God, I am going to kill him!" Finn hissed.

"It's okay Finn." Meredith reassured him. "I'll see you at five." She said getting out of Finn's car.

Meredith walked into Seattle Grace Hospital alone, heading towards the intern locker room.

"Apparently McDreamy is pissed today." Cristina Yang, aka Meredith's 'person', told her as soon as she opened her locker.

"Yeah he was sorta glaring at me this morning as Finn was dropping me off." Meredith responded.

"You should have seen him in the elevator with Satan, man I thought I was going to die! All I did was say 'hi' to him, and I thought he was going to rip my head off! It's a good thing I'm not on his service today." Cristina smiled.

"I have no idea whose service I'm on…"

"Wouldn't it be funny if you were on McDreamy's?" Cristina joked.

"Umm no!"

"Ok Grey, you're with Shepherd today." Bailey said looking down at her beeping pager.

"Wait what? I can't be with him I-"

"Is there something wrong?" Dr. Bailey asked looking up at Meredith.

"No." Meredith muttered. She looked over at Cristina who could not control her laughter.

"Is there something funny, Yang?" Bailey asked.

"No." Cristina replied as Bailey leaved. She then looked over at Meredith. "Something itsn't funny, something is hilarious!"

Meredith rolled her eyes and walked went to go talk to Derek who was right down the hall. She started to jog to catch up with him. "Dr. Shepherd" she called softly as she was right behind him.

"Dr. Grey." He responded curtly.

"I'm on your service today." Derek rolled him eyes, which did not go unnoticed by Meredith. "Listen, I don't want to be with you either, but looks like we're stuck together, and the least you can do is pretend to be okay with me."

He said nothing and the two of them walked down the hall in complete silence. They made their first stop in Mrs. Kellings room. Mrs. Kellings was a 31 year old woman, 28 weeks pregnant and post-op from a brain tumor. When they walked in Addison was all ready making notes on her charts.

'_Perfect, just freaking perfect…' Meredith thought._

"Good morning Andrea, how are we feeling?" Derek asked with a McDreamy smile.

"Fine thanks Derek. Although I would feel a little better knowing when I can get out of the hospital, your wife won't tell me. All she's saying is soon."

"Well, I'm sorry to say that I only have the same news for you, but it should be soon, within a few days or so."

"Same old news..." Andrea said in a flat voice.

"But this time I think he means it. Last week your baby wasn't getting enough nutrients, but now he's back on track, but we just want to keep an eye on him." Addison explained.

"So Devon will be okay, right?" Andrea's husband piped in.

"Yes Jack, Devon will be just fine." Addison assured him.

Meredith stood there uncomfortably. Her ex and his wife in the same room with her was enough to make her go crazy. She couldn't wait to just get out of there and vent to Cristina about everything. Meredith just stared at the floor while the attending talked to the patients.

"Dr. Grey!" Meredith heard Addison voice pierce through her day dream like daggers. Meredith looked up at Addison, who was annoyed under her smiling face which that doctors tried to put on to show good bedside mannerism.

"Yes Dr. Shepherd?" She asked, her face turning a little red.

"Were you taking mental notes?" Addison asked in a firm yet soft voice.

"Yes Dr. Shepherd."

"Good, then you will be keeping an eye on Mrs. Kellings, checking in with her and checking her vitals every two hours today. Understood?"

"Yes Dr. Shepherd." Meredith responded to Addison's request.

"Looks like your all set then Andrea." Derek said smiling. With that Derek left the room with Meredith. He looked at Meredith and his smile faded quickly.

Meredith rolled her eyes and grabbed Derek's wrist and pushed him into an on-call room. She shut the door behind them and turned on the lights. "Okay, just say whatever it is that you want to say to me." Meredith said.

"You don't want to hear what I'm going to say…" Derek responded.

"I don't care just say it."

"I love you."

**Review please? They are my muse.  
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